The idea for a female hitch hiker is that if you want to get raped an…err no…if you want to get a ride from A to B, you should show some leg in addition to a thumb.  As a blogger, I’m supposed to show some relevant content for Googling surfers of the interweb to get visitors…so in a cheap attempt to build my traffic base, (and see if I can’t get banned from Google) I’m going to write about the top gaining Canadian search terms from the Google Zeitgeist page…because I can.

What’s the?  We’re voting in an election in 3 days?

#1 ONTARIO MAP:

Has anyone heard of mapquest?  I can appreciate perhaps the need for a map of Ontario if you say…need to know the shape of the province you’re living in (YAYYY kindasorta somewhat rectangle Saskatchewan!) but other than that, I don’t know what a map of the whole province is going to do for you.  Well, actually that’s not true, it certainly can be used to plot out routes and such but what gets me is that this is the number one top gaining Google query in Canada.  Are a hoard of Canadians planning on booting about Ontario this winter?

#2 FOND ECRAN:

I actually had to Google this just to find out what it meant.  Apparently a bunch of people who speak French are searching for free wallpapers.  I have to admit, this is something of a surprise to me.  It’s no wonder since we’re all worried about financial crisis in Canada though that the French Canadians wouldn’t want to pay for a desktop wallpaper.  I deem this search term as sensible…who really pays for a wallpaper or screen saver anyway?

#3 BORDER COLLIE:

When I was a youngin’ growing up in British Columbia, our neighbour had one of these.  My territorial cat watched for some time as the dog zigged and zagged slowly through our yard coming closer and closer to the porch.  As soon as the dog was close enough, the cat sprung off the porch and proceeded to rip and tear fur out of the dog as it ran back home squealing and yelping.  Yes…that was funny.

#4 WATERLOO:

The battle of?  The crescent here in Saskatoon?  Waterloo Ontario?  Waterloo what?  isn’t this kind of like searching for “goo” or something?

#5 CANADIAN TIRE FLYER:

Who would have thought that our beacon of capitalistic spending would have been Canadian Tire?  Honestly, I would have put my money on Wal-Mart.

#6 ASHLEY LEGGAT:

Apparently a Canadian Actress that is younger than I am.  I have no idea who she is but I do know that when I was younger, I actually ended up chatting with some teen actress in Toronto who was a regular character on some “relevant to young people” show.  This was on ICQ of all things.  She even sent me an autographed photo and everything in a particular pose to prove that she wasn’t a 55 year old guy talking to a young 16 year old me.  Course being the attentive kind of guy I am, I never kept that photo and so my brush with stardom was carried away into the distance.

Yah, I totally could have stolen her from her boy friend.  A welfare kid in BC competing with some guy in Toronto with a bunch of money and friends?  Pcchhhtt…ball was totally in my court.

#7 USELESS ORGANIZATIONS:

I kinda tweaked that term.  Yes, this applies to all provinces.

#8 CRACKED:

Kind of like goo again…but this is actually a very popular website.  Still, for anyone that finds this website via such a search term, here’s why you should just bookmark your junk.  I present you with a gift.

#9 Medieval Times:

Perhaps the coolest part of this term is that it has the word “evil” right in there…kinda sorta.  Well not really but I’m doing some selective reading.  I’m not sure why that’s cool but there it is.  Still can’t look away from the picture above?  Sorry…we’ll make another paragraph and try to distance ourselves as best we can.

Now I’m guessing this is coming from a hoard of grade eight social studies students performing research on times past so they can lift ideas from the web and present it to “I hate computers so I won’t know about your plagiarism” teaching staff everywhere.  Oh I’m kidding…kinda.

Really, I’m just trying to create some filler to get farther away from that picture.  Sometimes I do go too far.

#10 CIDREQ:

So this is some kind of registry of businesses in Quebec I think?  I may be because I didn’t get much of any sleep last night…but I have no idea what to make of this.  And this makes it to number 10?

#11 PENIS PILLS:

Oh come on.  We all know what a guy really means when he plugs “mens health” into the search bar.  This is a search engine, you don’t have to lie to it.  I mean, if you’re searching on information about prostate cancer, you plug in “prostate cancer” and see what comes up.  Loads of info…I’m guessing.  I have a few years left before I have to find that out.  If you’re searching for rod stiffening potions though…well “mens health” certainly does come up with a lot of “information” on that.

That being said, there are a bunch of great legitimate websites on mens health and yes they really do come up when you plug that search term into Google.  You didn’t think I was going to let that one slip by without the obvious jab though did you?

#12 UKRAIN:

I…got nuthin’.

#13 AQUARIUM

I have one of these.  I can see why this is a popular term.  Aquariums rock.  If you can figure out how not to kill the $30 fish, you’ve got it made.  I tried to grow plants in there at one point but honestly, I had about as green a thumb as a meat packer.  I had some wicked cool brown plants before they turned into god awful black sludge.

#14 2009 CALENDAR:

Umm…every one’s computer actually has one of these.

#15 VILLE DE QUEBEC

For those who seek to go to Paris but can’t afford to even make it as far as Moncton; Quebec City is about as inviting a place as you will find I guess.  The funnest part of going to this place is walking into a shop and saying the following which I have spelled phoentically.

Bon-joor.  Jay-mepple Zach.

Oh the looks you get.

And of course, my favourite search term that has led a number of people to this blog for one reason or another is…

Orgasm Overdose

Happy googling.