This day has gone swimmingly.  My laundry was done without incident, the oil change guy greased my truck chassis with no extra charge, I had some of the best BBQ Ribs I have ever had, I discovered some freakin’ awesome tasty grapefruit cups at costco that I’ll take with me in my truck for snacks and in general, it’s just been a good day.  I even come back to my blog to discover upwards of 50 visits a day despite the last post simply being a you tube video I found.

Oh, and I found an application that plays you tube on my blackberry.  Yeah, life is sweet.  Did I mention I get my pay cheque in my hand tomorrow as well?  Perhaps the only down side (and it’s a significant one) is that I only get the minimum 36 hours at home this week to reset my hours of service before getting back to work tomorrow morning.  Gotta drive legal some times.

So none of this has anything to do with the title of my post but I’m getting to that I promise you.  Before reading any further, you should be aware that a “snufigal” is a unit of time.  I have no idea what I can compare the unit of time to as it was just recently made up via idle back and forth conversation between me and our youngest K but…there ya go.  A snufigal is some measure of time.  Oh, and the kids nick named me “sniffy” long ago due to my giant schnoz.  It comes with being a Jew.

OH!  Break for a joke.  Ever wonder why us Jews have such big noses?  Because air is free!  BWAHAHAHAHA!  HA !HHAHA HAHAH@HAIOUYKJAUIY!  HAHA!  Oh me oh my…ok.  So when you get back up onto your chair, read on.

So anyhow, as I worked hard on a determined kind of dent in the couch earlier today, I looked up at K and asked her quite nicely if I could have her brain please.  She responded saying no and that in fact, I had already promised to give her my brain and that I had done so ten snufigals ago.

Having no recollection of such a silly promise, I demanded she provide a written contract which I had signed to prove her ownership of my brain.  Thinking perhaps I had trumped her and won this little back n’ forth, I was surprised to see her rush off without any response.  “Ah” I had thought to myself.  “Embarrassed by such a crushing defeat!”  But no, she returned minutes later with the following.

See right there?  Apparently i initialled and signed a contract relinquishing my brain to a nine year old.  And you would think that the spelling mistake near the end is in fact K’s spelling mistake but as you can clearly see at the bottom of the page, it is clearly indicated that I have written and signed that contract all on my own.

There was an upside however.  After extracting my brain, K installed a squirrel to pull the levers, flick switches and push buttons in order to operate my body.  Aside from the occasional urge to forage for chestnuts, it seems to be working out quite well.  That, and she sent my brain to some kind of discipline school to learn tricks.  She drew out a short visual story for me.

So here’s what the story tells us.  That first thing there is my brain which apparently has arms and legs.  It was stuffed into an envelope which was then marked with to and from information before being affixed with a stamp.  The brain was then mailed off to brain school where it learned to jump through hoops, roll over, prepare turkeys, (for what I don’t know) do karate, play a banjo and ride horses.

Let me tell you, having a squirrel operate my brain is a little odd and I sure hope the squirrel knows how to shift an 18 speed transmission so I can still make a living with my truck.  All in all though, the squirrel seems pretty smart so it’s been smooth sailing up to now.

Well, as we all know, the French are just a tad off when it comes to everything but I have to say, I think they have the best approach to football around.  Yes, I momentarily break from my persistent silence not to rant about government, mechanics or people everywhere; I’m just presenting a great video of some classy urban touchdown plays.

Stay classy readers.  I’m Ron Burgundy.

If it wasn’t so depressing knowing that this a top cop in the United States, it would be kind of funny watching him umm and uhh all over the place.

I did something today that I just couldn’t resist doing.  Its something I never do for a very particular reason.  I called into the John Gibson show on FOX newstalk radio as broadcast on my satellite radio thingy from Sirius.  It’s not that I don’t like calling in to talk radio shows.  heck, I love doing that but john Gibson is an arrogant shouter.  In true American talk radio fashion, John Gibson prefers to shout at people, mock them and drown them out before claiming a well thought out and cunningly executed victory over his opponent.  Kinda like when Bill O’Reilly gets angry on his television show but three solid hours of that.

Fun to listen to.

Anyhow, Recently the news has been all atwitter (Oh yeah!  See that twitter reference I put in there for some reason?) about a speech Obama has made in which he has drawn a line in the sand.  While congress has told him that they aren’t going to give him the money he wants to close the Guantanamo Bay detention facility, Obama has said that he’s simply gonna do it whether they like it or not.  Despite not being given a line item in the budget for closing G’tmo, Obama will simply end up taking money from other programs to achieve his own ends.

Obama’s reasoning in large part seems to be that G’tmo presents a negative image abroad which serves as a recruiting tool for extremists.  It is a facility which extremists can point to as an example of American hypocrisy as part of their recruiting efforts.  Like Obama, I can’t disagree that G’tmo may have created far more terrorists than were ever likely detained there.  As well, I don’t believe that detaining people without trial is morally justifiable and anyone who permits this or causes this to happen should be locked up instead.

So John Gibson’s deal is this.  Lock them up!  They’re probably terrorists so that’s what we have to do to keep Americans safe.  This has been a clarion call of some conservatives for some time now.  The idea that it’s required to deny some people basic rights that should be afforded to all people just to keep your home land safe…well that’s ok so long as lives are saved.  The moral high ground doesn’t seem to be worth people dieing and you know, I can see the reasoning there.  I disagree with it but I think it’s not entirely unreasonable to want to preserve one’s own skin no matter what the cost.

I have a big problem with that though.  See, even though I don’t like what we have today as a government, I can’t deny that many people have fought and died for something they and others believed to be better than dictatorships or fascism.  In my call to Mr. Gibson, I decided to bring up WWII not to compare today’s war of ideology to that war in our past between nation states but to make a point about why those people died so many years ago.

According to a wikipedia entry, the total allied deaths (Military and civilian) number over 60 million.  About 60 million people died on the side of free will, self determination and liberty.  60 million people ended up being snuffed out of existence by bombs, rockets, artillery shells, bullets, grenades, tank tracks, land mines and other instruments of death and horror.  In what is often referred to as our world’s bloodiest conflict, 60 million on the side of those values that we tout as our own superior values died sometimes in an instant and sometimes screaming their last breaths with no one near by to even listen as they departed our earth in the most unimaginable pain and terror possible.

Almost 3,000 people died on September 11th 2001.  Seven and a half years years ago, almost 3,000 people were brutally murdered.  This type of things demands a reaction but to become your enemy by abandoning your values not only makes you undeserving of the liberties you are trying to protect, it also devalues to an incredible degree, the deaths of the 60 million military and civilian people who died during WWII.  I would argue that it also devalues the deaths of those caught in the 9/11 attacks.

60 Million people on the side of freedom and liberty ended up dieing as a result of WWII and they didn’t turn into the Nazis after the first 3,000 or even 300,000 because they valued what they were fighting for.  People of that era knew in large part that what they were fighting for was so valuable that no matter how many perished in the face of its obliteration, they could not let it go for simple strategic expediency.  The allied military and civilian populations knew that no matter how terribly beaten they would become, they could never simply become their enemy or they would never be able to return to cherishing those values they sought so dearly to protect.

I’ve always said that a draft is a terrible thing because if anything can tell you whether or not a war is worth fighting, there is no greater indicator than the willingness of the people to take up arms voluntarily and fight for a cause.  If people can not be compelled to defend their nation, one must ask what the nation is doing wrong or if a perceived threat is really a threat or simply a scary story.  People become motivated to make great sacrifices for great causes that are just and honourable.

By the end of WWII, just 11 million people (Civilian and military) had died on the axis side.

With electrical work being performed on my truck, I figure i have a few minutes here to belt out a post as mechanics hop in and out of my truck to figure out what’s wrong with the lighting.  I say a good lava lamp would set the mood but they seem to think the cops will be more interested in my brake lights not working.  Lame joke?  Yes.

So with swine fl…err…H1N1 continuing to gain notoriety in the press, I figured a young but ornery guy like myself could comment on it seeing as we now have two confirmed cases of the piggy sniffles here in Saskatchewan.  Yes that’s right ladies and gentlemen; swine flu has crept all the way up here from the spicy urban depths of Mexico.  “Oink if your horny” now has no comical value.

The death toll from Swine Flue around the world has hit 7.  Or no wait, 49.  20?  13?  Ok, so depending on what news article you’re reading at the moment and depending on where they’re getting their information from, you could be given the impression that swine flue deaths around the world have possible gone as high as…let’s say 150.  It’s nowhere near that but let’s play along anyhow.  This all started when, like a week ago or so?  So at 150 deaths, that’s about 22 deaths per day across the globe.  Again, no where near 150 people have died of the H1N1 virus.

About 250,000-500,000 people die annually of the seasonal flu.  At the bottom end of this estimate, that’s over 680 people per day and those deaths are in the very very large majority caused by underlying health issues.

So honestly, stop your panicky oinking.  If people start dropping like flies, get yourself a shotgun and defend your porch in a way that would make daddy proud.  Otherwise, get back to humping…or whatever it was you crazy people might not have been doing because of the flu.

Oh heck!  I hope there hasn’t been a pandemic of sexual disinterest due to swine flu.  That would be a true and real world wide tragedy.

If you’ve been reading the papers here in Saskatchewan, listening to talk radio or watching the television, you’ll know that what is being called the Thatcher law is being fast tracked by the provincial government.  This criminal notoriety act is intended to stop people from profiting off of their crimes.  Colin Thatcher having been convicted of murder would be prevented under this act from profiting off of his book that speaks in large part about his murder trial and conviction.  Final Appeal: Anatomy of a Frame is scheduled to go on sale this fall.

I don’t think it’s morally right for guilty parties to profit from morally bankrupt crimes.  Murders born of passionate emotional situation for instance are not something I would like to see some one profit from.  Murder in self defence or as a military member however is different in a way, though that’s a different subject and it’s not as cut and dry as all that.  In the end, profiting as a result of some one’s unjust loss is flatly wrong.  Whether it’s robbery, bad business dealings or out and out murder, these are all things that don’t come up as an honourable motive for profit.

People in Saskatchewan seem to be overwhelmingly in favour of a law that seeks to prevent people like Thatcher from profiting as a result of their criminal acts.  Thatcher writing a book about his trial in a province that has maintained such a keen interest in his case is bound to turn a profit for him and his publisher.  People don’t like that idea and the reasoning I heard on the radio made my blood boil.  I’ll be plain on this one.  I am not in favour of a law that prevents Colin Thatcher from making money as a result of his conviction regarding his wife’s murder.

To me, taking money from people who write books that people would like to buy and read is an affront to free speech.  Confiscating any money that Colin Thatcher makes as a result of selling this book is plain and simple robbery backed by the most dubious moral justification.  “Because we don’t like this person” is not a good reason to prevent them from making money or living their life.  It is however a good reason not to buy his book.

It’s been pointed out again and again that this law and others like it don’t prevent authors from writing and even publishing the book; it just prevents them from profiting from the book.  I don’t think that’s any different than an extremist environmentalist telling me that I can work as a truck driver and transport freight all I want but all the money I make will be confiscated because I drive a truck that burns a lot of fuel that damages the environment.

Actually, I guess that’s where we’re going.

If this law is passed, I vow to make sure Colin Thatcher gets some money from me for the book.  Again, I have no desire to see Thatcher profit from a crime that he was convicted of and I’m not convinced that his claims of innocence are truthful.  That’s not the point to me though.  I simply am disgusted that the government would rob anyone of money that is theirs.  Should the law be passed, I won’t purchase the book but I will mail a cheque for the purchase amount of the paperback edition to Thatcher’s publisher and ask that the cheque be forwarded to Thatcher and that the publisher retain their commission from Thatcher if they so desire.

The government has no right to make such redicuous moral judgments upon the tangible work of others.  the fact that people seem to accept claims that governments do indeed have this kind of right is disgusting and abhorrent.  The fact that I feel compelled to send a cheque to a convicted murderer turns my stomach but I lay the blame for such solely on the lap of government.  With all due respect (and there isn’t much due) to government, screw off and die.

This is great.  I get to “pull a Megan” on my blog today.  Not only am I pulling a Megan but I’m also pulling it as a result of Megan.  Hmm…pulling it as a result of Megan.  Well there’s your dirty joke for the week and I didn’t even have to try.  I haven’t lost my touch even after weeks of no blogging!

Take that angry snail!  Who’s the angry snail?  More on that later.  In the mean time, I’m pulling a Megan.

READER SUBMITTED QUESTION:
OK, where are you? It’s been ages.

Yes, if you read Megan’s blog with any regularity, you’ll know that this is her deal.  Lifting questions from her blog comments and answering them provides for some wonderful blog fodder.  I’m happy to have he chance to emulate her blogging mastery and do it in reference to a question that she herself posted on my blog.

In my previous post, (posted exactly one month ago) I made all sorts of references to my semi-truck.  Having put the beast to work, I’ve been pulling (there’s that word again) many 16-18 hour days even though my log book says I haven’t worked any more than 14 hours in a single day.  If you see a truck driver with a loose leaf paper log book, you can count on it being a book of lies.  It’s also a good reason most of em will have a stash in their truck.  Yeah, we all need some kind of assistance to make the job bearable.  You can check out my “stash” in this picture.

I’m a big fan of chemical alertness assistance lately.

I’ve also spent about $9,000 or more on the truck to keep it up to spec and repair certain problems that have come up.  For instance, I forgot to get a three axle alignment done on the truck before taking it out on the highway and so I got my steering tires damaged via uneven tire wear.  Replacing the tires cost me about $1,100 and the three axle alignment was…something.  I can’t remember but it was kind of expensive.

Other odds and ends have stabbed at my wallet lately.  Repairing the fuel gauge was a creature comfort work wise but it has proven to be useful on a truck that gets 4.9MPG on a good day.  Replacing the air to air (it was leaking) cost another $2,300 or so and…well there have been some other issues that have since been taken care of.  needless to say, it’s been a rough start but it wasn’t exactly unexpected though it’s time consuming as all get out.

The worst part about having to pay for repairs on the truck is that while the truck is in the shop, I’m not making any money.  I’m only losing it.  When I have to take a short trip from company dispatchers explaining to them that I need to have my truck back in town for an appointment with the shop, I get fewer miles and spend money to have things repaired.

It seems I’m good at running into delays and problems when in Manitoba too.  So far, everything bad that has happened to me work wise has happened in Manitoba with a single exception of a tire blow out that happened in Shellbrook Saskatchewan.  If you’re a trucker of many years or a young guy who’s just a tad bit reckless like me, you’ll probably be able to guess what you’re seeing in my mirror below.

See those plates under the trailer axels on the ground?  Those are portable weigh scales placed there courtesy of a friendly Manitoba D.O.T. compliance officer.  He really was actually quite friendly but there was no avoiding that because I took a wrong turn, I was a road that no semi-truck could possibly be legal on.  Thankfully my trailer axles and drive axles on the truck were legal but the steering axles were just too heavy and there was no way around that.  $602 and a picture on my blackberry later, I was on my way but this is just one of the stupid things that happened to me in Manitoba.  Thankfully it’s the only stupid thing in Manitoba that has cost me any money.

That particular trip was a nice little rounder but because of delays, I wasn’t back in Regina until mid-evening and at my next stop in Saskatchewan for morning delivery until around midnight.  being delayed for an hour one of my stops (and then for another hour for the weight restriction ticket) put me behind considerably and helped to make for one heck of a long day.

I’m bitching though.  The fact of the matter is that I do the job I do because I enjoy it greatly.  I bought my own truck not only because I think I can make more money with it but also because I don’t mind making my niche in this industry.  Aside from pounding back gallons of caffeinated beverages and developing caffeine related Parkinsons at the end of the day, there is something wonderful about being on the open road.

And for the more discerning of readers who’ve perhaps noticed this in the previous two pictures.  Yes, that is a plastic zip strip holing the backing mirror’s frame together.

So without further ado, the answer is that I’ve been consumed by work.  Even as I type this, I would frankly rather be snoozing as I only have the one day at home.  I get to spend most of tomorrow at home as well but I have to leave tomorrow early in the evening so I don’t really count it as a second day at home.  yes, I’m fussy that way.

Oh…and the angry snail!  I almost forgot to mention what that was about.  If you’re interested in the naking of my truck, it’s a twisty tale that I’ll try and make short.

My truck has a Caterpiller engine (CAT) that is no longer manufactured so far as I understand.  Don’t quote me on that but I’m pretty sure they don’t build CAT truck engines like mine anymore.  My CAT 3406E has 475 horsepower with the option to dial that up to 500 horses even.  A popular term applied to truck with this type of engine in it (or any CAT engine) is “pussy powered” which is often emblazoned on the side of the truck.  Not being a big fan of the popularized term, some one suggested to me that I name it Fat Freddy’s CAT.

The name is frankly ingenious.  Having previously been the president of the Saskatchewan Marijuana Party, the reference to a cartoon character in a comic book series that was devoted to three brothers obsessed with pot was worth a bundle of good chuckles.  Some of you may be old enough to remember the comic series and others among you may be like me.  I have the privilege of being the son of flower children and so of course, my father’s comic book collection includes editions of the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers (google it if you like) buried in between various editions of Heavy Metal.  Fat Freddy’s cat having been a character in the books, I fell in love with the idea immediately.

Over the course of time however, I realized that perhaps that wasn’t the best idea.  Travelling through DOT scales with such a name on the side might catch a few DOT officers’ eyes.  No need to get pulled in for inspections all the time for the sake of a few chuckles.  Despite this realization, I still felt some what inclined to name the truck after the nonchalant comic book character.

I came to my senses after a while though and settled on another good name for the truck.  “The Angry Snail” seems appropriate.  Since I run my truck in between ninety and ninety five kilometres per hour and since it’s built for pulling gravel loads about, this second nick name not only seemed more appropriate, it also conjures up images of the decal I’ll have made for the truck.  A big angry looking snail with big muscle bound arms and tires spinning out a small cloud of dust and pebbles.  Yes…I know snails don’t have arms.

So there you go.  That’s where I’ve been.  The next time you ask me to blog after a period of dormancy, be aware that it may all come out in one big gooey explosion.  That’s what happens when you pull something in reference to Megan you know.

Now as we all know, driving big semi-trucks all around is a big time macho career.  I mean, it’s a huge vehicle and most any driver you speak to at least has the ability to speak in a manner that would probably make the phrase “nigger abortionist cracker kike slaughter cow” seem like a reference to flower arranging.  Trucking is a business in which you can encounter some of the most tight strapped, straight laced and religious folk or the most unhinged crazy bastards out there.  It’s truly a neat and awe inspiring business so far as social constructs are concerned.  Of course I’m happy to be a twucker…yes that was a ‘w’ in there.  I’m  a big ol’ manly twuckah!

So last year, I decided to get my license to drive big rigs not only because of the decent pay scale but because driving the giant machines really fascinated me.  To this day, neither the novelty of simply driving my car or piloting a giant truck has worn off.  I love driving and likely will for a good long while to come.  So with that in mind, I went and made a big purchase a short while ago.  I bought a semi-truck and a gravel trailer.  It cost a lot of moolah but I think it was worth it…we’ll find out after a month or two I guess.  All in all, I’m looking forward to making money as an owner operator rather than a company driver.  Though I have to deal with maintenance issues and eventually issues regarding incorporation, I don’t have to worry about the stuff that a company driver usually has to worry about.  Less in the way of work place politics and more choice as the owner of a truck as per who I can work for.  If I get really pissed off for some reason, I could theoretically just up and leave at the drop of a hat and get another job right away.  not that I see that happening any time soon but I have the choice.

So there’s the story.  I’ve spent about three weeks getting money together to get the truck, actually getting the truck and customizing it with some small adjustments like drilling some holes to wire a 3,000 watt power inverter into the sleeper cab.  So without further ado, see below some picture of the twuck along with a picture that actually shows some of my face.  Yeah, I know you’ve been dieing to see it.

So that’s the control panel.  The truck is a year 2000 Western Star and one of the things I have always liked about the Western Stars is the control panel.  There’s a button for everything on there.  There’s even a button on there for something that I don’t have on the truck so maybe I’ll buy some fog lights just so I can use the switch.  The transmission is an 18 speed with two air switches for splitting the gear ranges.  While many trucks are configured as 13 or 15 speeds, an 18 speed means I can start off much easier with heavier loads.

When we got to Lloydminster to pick the truck up, it was getting dark and there the big beast was rumbling in the twilight.  With it’s 475 Horsepower engine (I can ramp that up to 500 if I need to) gurgling away, it was ready to pounce on the highway without a shred of mercy!  This is the only picture I have of the gravel trailer hooked up to it so there it is behind the truck.  Nothing much to say about the gravel trailer except that I broke one of the electrical sockets when I got home because it was like midnight, it had been a long day and I was all pissed off at it for being stubborn.

Word to the wise.  Don’t try removing a heavy duty electrical plug with a hammer…no matter how smart the idea may seem at the time.

You know, the coolest part of picking up the truck was actually an embarrassing moment.  Minutes after taking possession of the beast, I pulled up to the fuel pumps at the Husky in Lloyd to fill up because I assumed I was getting some dry tanks.  If you’re wondering, the fuel gauge is broken on the truck.  Anyway, I opened up the caps and was greeted by a bunch of diesel blobbing around the tank.  After flashing a sheepish kind of look to the cashiers inside, I got ready to move on and get to Saskatoon.  Really though, I got a used truck with two full tanks of fuel.  How awesome is that?

This picture was taken just outside of the truck wash and I figured I should snap this shot before I ran through a mud puddle.  Of course I sped through a giant puddle just two blocks away.

I’ve named the truck “Fat Freddy’s CAT” partly because it has a CAT engine in it.  The rest of the name you’ll have to figure out for yourself.  Punch the whole thing into google and you’ll figure it out if you also consider I helped to found the provincial marijuana party here.  Suffice it to say, my real name isn’t Freddy.

So there’s the picture you’ve all been waiting for.  I can’t say it’s all the flattering.  I mean the heat gun got in the way of my stunning features but that’s all part of maintaining the thin and mostly meaningless veil of anonymity that I like to maintain here.  Remember, you can pretty easily find out who I am if you want to but if you’re not smart enough, you’ll have to do with this type of thing.  Either that or you could attend a blogger’s meet and meet me.  Just ask huffb1…it’s an interesting experience in its own right.

Does anyone remember the movie Minority Report with Tom Cruise?  Looking past the incredible predictability of the “film” and concentrating on the flashier stuff leads one to notice things like advertisements in a future world that scan your eyes and display information relevant to you or computer terminals that are entirely interactive using a complex array of hand gestures.  It seems that perhaps just that kind of technology may be going mobile and perhaps within only a decade.

I’m looking forward to becoming a pseudo-cyborg for a small fee.  Sasktel’s “superhuman package” should be coming out soon.

On the lead of section 13, I decided to take the political compass test.  I remember being over on the left hand side and up near the middle on this chart just a few years ago.  Over a relatively short period of time, I have moved quite decidedly to the purist libertarian position on the chart.

Cool huh?  Well maybe not but I think it’s cool.

Also, there’s this.  Umm….well I saw it over at Canadian Cynic but I post this you tube video here for your…viewing pleasure?  Really, I think I need some one to come up with an explanation for this.